The Sound of Futility
I amlistening to the sound of futility- the commentators of the Colorado vs. Kansas State game personify it. Sure,Colorado is having a crappy season. Sure, they are down 17-0 at the half. But these are the Colorado football commentators. They should show some signs of hope or even remote enthusiams for their team. This is just depressing to listen to.
"Well, K-State is up 2 touchdowns here in the missle of the second quarter. Tell me, can Colorado come back from this, Ken?"
"Very unlikely, Phil- this is not a high powered offense, and unless God Himself intervenes directly in this game it is very unlikely that Colorado will even make it to the halfway point in the field under their own power, unless they happen to be going backwards, Phil."
"Can Mason Crosby kick enough 65 yard field goals to allow Colorado a shot, assuming the offense CAN make to to at least the 50, Ken?"
"Very unlikely. And someday Mason Crosby will grow old and die. Death comes to us all, Phil, and no doubt the icy hand of Death is creeping over many of the Buffs players as we speak. See them sitting there on the bench, just waiting for the pain of life to be over. Soon, boys. Soon it will be over."
Now I am listening to the half time show...
"Colorado is down 17 to nothing before we start the second half. It has been a half of zero offense for the Buffs, just nothing going on at all."
I remember when Texas had some bad seasons. Sure, nowhere near as bad as Colorado's so far (1-7), but there was always something the commentators could say that would give at least the illusion of hope. At least hope for the future, but this is just depressing.
I can't imagine what they were saying during their one win against Texas Tech (which was surprising- Tech can just rise and and kill a great team, but can also just seem to give up altogether against a miserable team). Here is what one must imagine.
"God has shown his light on the Buffs, Phil. His glorious light, hidden from the Colorado football program for so long, has been allowed to shine upon us once again."
"Yes, Ken, the weeks of making sacrificial rights has, no doubt, paid off. Clearly the practices were of no use, the training, the weights, all useless. When the coach decided after the humiliation last weekend that this past week would be devoted to fasting and brutal cleansing in the temple, he clearly knew what he was doing. I think this is a brave new path for the Buffs, Ken."
"Do you think that perhaps they are just playing so hard because they don't want to have further medieval ritualistic methods of torture applied to their bodies?"
"God only knows, Ken. God only knows."
The third quarter has started and the commentators are recapping various statistics, and the mood is even more glum than seems typical, so gloomy that to convey the actual sentiment in this blog could very well drive some people mad, so I won't.
This message written by a real human being. If you prefer an automated message, please upgrade your toaster with a voice synthesizer.
"Well, K-State is up 2 touchdowns here in the missle of the second quarter. Tell me, can Colorado come back from this, Ken?"
"Very unlikely, Phil- this is not a high powered offense, and unless God Himself intervenes directly in this game it is very unlikely that Colorado will even make it to the halfway point in the field under their own power, unless they happen to be going backwards, Phil."
"Can Mason Crosby kick enough 65 yard field goals to allow Colorado a shot, assuming the offense CAN make to to at least the 50, Ken?"
"Very unlikely. And someday Mason Crosby will grow old and die. Death comes to us all, Phil, and no doubt the icy hand of Death is creeping over many of the Buffs players as we speak. See them sitting there on the bench, just waiting for the pain of life to be over. Soon, boys. Soon it will be over."
Now I am listening to the half time show...
"Colorado is down 17 to nothing before we start the second half. It has been a half of zero offense for the Buffs, just nothing going on at all."
I remember when Texas had some bad seasons. Sure, nowhere near as bad as Colorado's so far (1-7), but there was always something the commentators could say that would give at least the illusion of hope. At least hope for the future, but this is just depressing.
I can't imagine what they were saying during their one win against Texas Tech (which was surprising- Tech can just rise and and kill a great team, but can also just seem to give up altogether against a miserable team). Here is what one must imagine.
"God has shown his light on the Buffs, Phil. His glorious light, hidden from the Colorado football program for so long, has been allowed to shine upon us once again."
"Yes, Ken, the weeks of making sacrificial rights has, no doubt, paid off. Clearly the practices were of no use, the training, the weights, all useless. When the coach decided after the humiliation last weekend that this past week would be devoted to fasting and brutal cleansing in the temple, he clearly knew what he was doing. I think this is a brave new path for the Buffs, Ken."
"Do you think that perhaps they are just playing so hard because they don't want to have further medieval ritualistic methods of torture applied to their bodies?"
"God only knows, Ken. God only knows."
The third quarter has started and the commentators are recapping various statistics, and the mood is even more glum than seems typical, so gloomy that to convey the actual sentiment in this blog could very well drive some people mad, so I won't.
This message written by a real human being. If you prefer an automated message, please upgrade your toaster with a voice synthesizer.
posted by Unknown | 1:59 PM
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