We need a new Bowl game
Have you tried to count the number of college "bowl" games lately? Good luck. I have two complaints and a suggestion to make on the subject. Actually two suggestions.
The first complaint is that the reason a "Bowl game" is called a "Bowl" game is that the original "Bowl game" involved a "bowl". A "bowl" is a roughly hemispherical, convex object used to "contain" something. Sometimes that something is cereal, often it is soup. However the original football game that involved a "bowl" held "roses". These "roses" were put into a large "bowl" that would then be awarded to the "winner" of the football game. They called this game the "Rose Bowl". Now because this event became widely recognized as both popular and highly profitable other football games have emerged that have borrowed the "bowl" terminology. However, when you think of the origins of the usage of the term "bowl" this makes some of these games sound really infuriatingly stupid. The "Fiesta Bowl" is not actually a large crystal bowl full of parties. Maybe it is full of Tostitos, which makes a semblance of sense. "Orange Bowl"- that makes sense. "Cotton Bowl"- yum! "Sugar Bowl"- chow down! But how about "Gator Bowl"? Live or dead gators? If alive, who gets it- the winner or the loser? If dead, would you want a bowl full of putrid 500 pound scaly reptiles? The "Maaco Bowl Las Vegas". Yeah- try and envision a bowl full of Maaco. I dare you. The "Emerald Bowl". Ok- I'd dive into that sucker. Except "emerald" in this usage is a company that makes flavored buts. Not great, but hey, its edible. The "Armed Forces Bowl". Serve your country by becoming part of a trophy for a football game. "So, how many tours have you served?" "Technically I'm on my first- I came out of boot camp and was stationed in a large chalice for a year until I was relieved. Then I came here to Afghanistan to look for land mines." The award for loser names goes to "Papajohns.com Bowl", though. A bowl full of web site. Yeah. Share and enjoy. A web site run by a guy so lame he shelled out an unreal sum for a car he owned way back when- a freaking Camaro. Class. And he's so proud of this POS-mobile he features himself delivering pizza in it to a sorority house and referring to himself in the third person as "pappa". I've got news for you Jonny- you are headed for a fall and I hope I'm the one who pushes you over the ledge. In fact I hope you drive over the ledge. Oh, and as for the football game you are sponsoring, I feel deeply for the teams whose staff must stoop down to raise their hands and say "Yes, please select us to play for the Papjohns.com Bowl", thereby committing their hardworking student athletes who sweat and risk injuries while playing their hearts out to play for a flabby self-indulgent loser who refers to himself as "papa" in the third person.
After that lengthy little venting I'm having trouble remembering my second complaint so in the meantime here's my suggestion. Someone needs to sponsor a "championship" game (the term championship is preferred to "bowl" since, as amply demonstrated above "bowl" is misused 99% of the time and also because, "championship" is ironic for the following reason) between the two worst teams in college football. "0-13 Butt-Cheek U. takes on 0-12 Sphincter State in this years Super Delux Pedro's Taco Stand Championship Game- someone HAS to win at least 1 game this year!" That's what I want to see- if we are stooping to the level where all you need to do to get into a "bowl" game is to have a 5-7 record then lets drop the pretension of these games being anything other than financial and advertising opportunities for anyone willing to stick their name on a stadium for a day.
My second suggestion is to get everyone who wants to see a playoff in college sports to remember that you are talking about a bunch of unpaid student athletes who are trying to get out of college and into either professional sports or out into the real world selling used cars without suffering concussions for the benefit of people who sit on sofas yelling "WE WON!".
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The first complaint is that the reason a "Bowl game" is called a "Bowl" game is that the original "Bowl game" involved a "bowl". A "bowl" is a roughly hemispherical, convex object used to "contain" something. Sometimes that something is cereal, often it is soup. However the original football game that involved a "bowl" held "roses". These "roses" were put into a large "bowl" that would then be awarded to the "winner" of the football game. They called this game the "Rose Bowl". Now because this event became widely recognized as both popular and highly profitable other football games have emerged that have borrowed the "bowl" terminology. However, when you think of the origins of the usage of the term "bowl" this makes some of these games sound really infuriatingly stupid. The "Fiesta Bowl" is not actually a large crystal bowl full of parties. Maybe it is full of Tostitos, which makes a semblance of sense. "Orange Bowl"- that makes sense. "Cotton Bowl"- yum! "Sugar Bowl"- chow down! But how about "Gator Bowl"? Live or dead gators? If alive, who gets it- the winner or the loser? If dead, would you want a bowl full of putrid 500 pound scaly reptiles? The "Maaco Bowl Las Vegas". Yeah- try and envision a bowl full of Maaco. I dare you. The "Emerald Bowl". Ok- I'd dive into that sucker. Except "emerald" in this usage is a company that makes flavored buts. Not great, but hey, its edible. The "Armed Forces Bowl". Serve your country by becoming part of a trophy for a football game. "So, how many tours have you served?" "Technically I'm on my first- I came out of boot camp and was stationed in a large chalice for a year until I was relieved. Then I came here to Afghanistan to look for land mines." The award for loser names goes to "Papajohns.com Bowl", though. A bowl full of web site. Yeah. Share and enjoy. A web site run by a guy so lame he shelled out an unreal sum for a car he owned way back when- a freaking Camaro. Class. And he's so proud of this POS-mobile he features himself delivering pizza in it to a sorority house and referring to himself in the third person as "pappa". I've got news for you Jonny- you are headed for a fall and I hope I'm the one who pushes you over the ledge. In fact I hope you drive over the ledge. Oh, and as for the football game you are sponsoring, I feel deeply for the teams whose staff must stoop down to raise their hands and say "Yes, please select us to play for the Papjohns.com Bowl", thereby committing their hardworking student athletes who sweat and risk injuries while playing their hearts out to play for a flabby self-indulgent loser who refers to himself as "papa" in the third person.
After that lengthy little venting I'm having trouble remembering my second complaint so in the meantime here's my suggestion. Someone needs to sponsor a "championship" game (the term championship is preferred to "bowl" since, as amply demonstrated above "bowl" is misused 99% of the time and also because, "championship" is ironic for the following reason) between the two worst teams in college football. "0-13 Butt-Cheek U. takes on 0-12 Sphincter State in this years Super Delux Pedro's Taco Stand Championship Game- someone HAS to win at least 1 game this year!" That's what I want to see- if we are stooping to the level where all you need to do to get into a "bowl" game is to have a 5-7 record then lets drop the pretension of these games being anything other than financial and advertising opportunities for anyone willing to stick their name on a stadium for a day.
My second suggestion is to get everyone who wants to see a playoff in college sports to remember that you are talking about a bunch of unpaid student athletes who are trying to get out of college and into either professional sports or out into the real world selling used cars without suffering concussions for the benefit of people who sit on sofas yelling "WE WON!".
This message written by a real human being. If you prefer an automated message, please upgrade your toaster with a voice synthesizer.
posted by Unknown | 9:20 AM
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