Fatherhood at 6 months
At 6 months of fatherhood I can safely say that life can be divided into two distinct sections- before and after having kids. Before you are just kind of going through life, planning for some immediate future- a new TV, paying off debts, a new video game, stuff, dinner and a movie. Afterwards several things change. First of all yo have no idea WHO you are. The moment you make eye contact with this helpless little rag doll of a human your priorities are irrevocably altered- this person NEEDS you! And not is some vague emotional way that friends or lovers have in the past, but an arrangement concrete food, shelter, clothing, and various and complex financial, emotional and physical needs and desires.
Looking back on last year I was a father for roughly as much of the year as I wasn't, but I can hardly remember the "not a father" part of it. Sure, most of it was dedicated to preparation for being a father, but, as best memory is able to serve, it was all very academic. Stockpile diapers. Make insurance arrangements. Assemble furniture and paint nursery. Fortunately I'd started bank accounts for "her" long before I even knew I was a father (just knew I wanted to be one). So many things and so much effort and planning and emotion and expectations. The end result is that yo have no idea. And the first time your eyes meet there is nothing that could have remotely prepared you- this is a person and she is looking BACK at you. She recognizes your voice, and the first time she contorts her little round face into a smile your heart soars as it never had before. After years of relationships you thought you were jaded and you could never fall head-over-heels in love like that first time, so many years ago that is it just a dim memory. Years of arms-length love and caution are not peeled away or forgotten, they are just simply felt in comparison to a much deeper ocean, by comparison to which you realize you had simply not understood your own capacity for love.
This message written by a real human being. If you prefer an automated message, please upgrade your toaster with a voice synthesizer.
Looking back on last year I was a father for roughly as much of the year as I wasn't, but I can hardly remember the "not a father" part of it. Sure, most of it was dedicated to preparation for being a father, but, as best memory is able to serve, it was all very academic. Stockpile diapers. Make insurance arrangements. Assemble furniture and paint nursery. Fortunately I'd started bank accounts for "her" long before I even knew I was a father (just knew I wanted to be one). So many things and so much effort and planning and emotion and expectations. The end result is that yo have no idea. And the first time your eyes meet there is nothing that could have remotely prepared you- this is a person and she is looking BACK at you. She recognizes your voice, and the first time she contorts her little round face into a smile your heart soars as it never had before. After years of relationships you thought you were jaded and you could never fall head-over-heels in love like that first time, so many years ago that is it just a dim memory. Years of arms-length love and caution are not peeled away or forgotten, they are just simply felt in comparison to a much deeper ocean, by comparison to which you realize you had simply not understood your own capacity for love.
This message written by a real human being. If you prefer an automated message, please upgrade your toaster with a voice synthesizer.
posted by Unknown | 2:10 PM
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