Window seat personal observations

Yesterday I was flying back to Colorado from Austin. It was both my birtday and Mothers Day, I had had a marvelous little break back in my home town, seen old friends, made new ones, spent time with the family, played with my niece, just marvelous.

So, sitting in a window seat, overlooking the right wing of the little commuter jet, I feel a sense of dread over take me. Every little shake and bump makes my hands clench the seatback in front of me, the arm rests, press against the interior fusalage, my legs stiffened and tensed with anticipation.

I never used to be afraid of flying- it was something I once looked forward to enormously, used to feel special about. First thing I would do when I climbed on board was to take a nap. Not any more.

As I sat there, clenched, I tried to relax, focus on my breathing, and observe (rather than feel) this fear. I was surprised at not just my ability to relax but also how quickly the turbulence would refocus my energies on my fear and efforts to grasp the interior walls of the plane. Rationalizing, I quickly discovered, does not improve matters- "There's no sense is holding the seat- its all part of the same plane... that you are in... hurtling over the surface of the earth... at hundreds of miles an hour." Yeah... real productive thoughts. But true! The more I let this fear just wash over me and stopped trying to control it and hold it back the clearer its nature became to me- this is not a fear of flying, it is love for my life that is at the root of it. I want control of it so much that I am blinded to the realities of the nature of my own security. What my senses were yelling at me was "there are bumping feelings here of which you should be suspicious".


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